Many of us have been inspired by the Marie Kondo movement - letting go of what doesn’t bring us joy, especially when the Netflix series appeared last fall. For years, I have appreciated the idea of “the life changing magic of tidying up”.
However, my tidying up process evidently needed an overhaul because that’s what I got! A super size dose of what it means to “tidy up” in a big way.
I let go of the vision of what I wanted my family to look like
I let go of over-functioning in some of my relationships
I let go of a lot of blame and shame
I let go of the disappointment of some of my dreams not coming into reality
I let go of emotional suppression
I let go of the home where my daughter was born and raised for the first 8 years of her life
I let go of a lot of “stuff” that was in my home and in storage
Yes, it has been a season of letting go.
I just read today (from Marc and Angel Hack Life) that “..letting go is not giving up. Letting go is surrendering any obsessive attachment to particular people, outcomes and situations.”
The beauty in letting go is this - it breeds fertile ground for new life.
I never really understood the truth of that until this last year. I have struggled with letting go. Up until now, it has been challenging for me to let go because I feel more in control when I hold on tight. I subconsciously believe that if I can just hold on tight enough, then everything will be ok. I want to hold on to everything around me. To the things I have collected, to my people, to everything in my world.
After a year of a challenging separation and divorce, I was faced this last summer with moving out of the home we had lived in for 10 years, trying to determine what to do with all of the “stuff” that had been collected, including 2 storage units of office furniture.
You see, our company used to office in a ~1000 sq. foot office. But a couple of years ago, I had big visions for the space I wanted for our little company. And to achieve being able to afford a "bigger space", I moved our team to a virtual working arrangement (temporarily, I thought). So, we rented 2 storage units to store all of the office belongings and our team all began working separately from home. I believed and had visioned we would have an “expanded” space eventually - one where we could hold “ideation” and focus group sessions. And all the while, our "beloved office belongings” had been hanging ever so patiently in 2 storage units, as our work and lives went on….
What I didn’t realize was that all of the office “stuff” I had been storing as well as the overflow in my house represented soooo much other emotional baggage I had been holding on to as well.
The process for letting go of that stuff was painful. It forced me to take a look globally at everything I was holding onto. I had to get face to face with the big dreams I once had, the ones I hardly even knew were there. The whole process was symbolic for everything I felt about the failure of my marriage - heartache, grief, pain and shame.
But here’s what’s interesting about the letting go process.
Letting Go requires Presence - you can’t really choose what you will let go of and what you will hold onto unless you get really present with how you feel about everything individual thing in your space. You have to come face to face with whatever you’ve been suppressing - the fact that you made the choice to purchase it, regret for not using it, guilt for the money spent on it, and everything else in between.
Letting Go is therapeutic - because it’s chaotic, because it brings up stored emotions you didn’t know were there, it actually helps you release stored pain.
Releasing allows Freedom to Begin Again - then, you get to make a new choice - what’s great about making new choices Is that it brings with it a sense of freedom.
Removal of physical clutter facilitates Renewal - I never realized how much subconscious clutter I had going on, rattling away in some region of my mind because I was holding on tightly to physical “clutter” I could no longer see.
There is Healing on the Other Side - I like systems, processes, things that “line up”, are predictable. And letting go creates unpredictable feelings. That IS part of the process, and the only way to the other side is through it.
What I learned from the process:
Burning paper items was a surprisingly cathartic way to let go - and much less expensive than my therapy. The releasing that occurred when I went through many old boxes of stored papers - everything from old “data” from my early years of work in my 20’s to old love letters from elementary, middle and high school friends/boyfriends - was burned. So many things that are unimportant but somehow subconsciously attached - gone. I smile again just thinking about that.
Talking openly with a compassionate friend about what I was experiencing helped lessen the pain, guilt and shame I was facing. It also gave way to several ideas and happenings that never would have existed otherwise:
One friend told me about a company who does estate sales. They came in, took a commission for a % of the total made, and they handled the whole thing. For us, it was extremely rewarding.
I brought my daughter into the process by telling her she got to decide what she kept at dads, what she wanted to take with us, and what she wanted to let go of. I told her everything of hers was her choice and whatever money we made, we would go on a special trip of her choosing with the money we made. We are going to Paris in 2 weeks with the money we made :)!!!!
Doing that made the emotional pain easier because we had a goal, an incentive for letting go as well as a semi-pain free way to logistically make things go away.
And so the benefit of letting go for me has been like tilling up the soil before planting - it brings forth soil that is rich and ready for new life. It is open, and waiting.
I feel new life coming in some days. Other days I just wait. Ever so slowly and somedays magically, I am seeing things being brought in - because now there is space to enjoy it, to revel in it, to see it, notice it, be grateful for it.
Yes, I am grateful for the “fall” of this season. And of my daughter, Autumn, who helps me understand with full clarity what to hold on to…albeit a little looser each day.
