4 Surprising Reasons to Dream even if they do not come true

I have been thinking lately about the journey I’ve been on – where I am in life vs the way I envisioned it.  I realize how little things look exactly like I thought they would.  I have always had a vivid imagination.  I can envision details in my head for the future as if they’re real – they are crystal clear details.  It’s interesting, though, how few of the things I envisioned became reality to the exact level of detail I imagined it. For example, I had vivid imaginations way before I ever got pregnant that my daughter would have red hair.  However, that, like many of my visions, did not become so.

When I first started my business back in the summer of 2008, another business owner told me about a space that had opened up for a small business in an old historic three-story 1920s home in uptown Dallas.  I was convinced to rent a room up in the attic of that old home only a few months after I had officially “opened” my business doors, just before the market tanked that year.

 The reason I got so excited about this little office space is because it was an attic with two rooms on either side of its old rickety staircase. One of the rooms had a closet converted into a viewing space with a one-way mirror. Not because the owner was creepy but because she was a child counselor and utilized her space years ago for her practice.

So, I got big ideas that in this down market in 2008, I was going to conduct cost effective “quick and dirty” focus groups on a dime.  Looking back on that now, I’m not really sure why I thought it was a good idea to believe marketing teams of Fortune 100 companies would want to conduct marketing research, trekking up 3 flights of stairs to a small space where they all had to fit into a tiny closet to watch the groups.  Even in the down market of 2008, I’m not seeing now what I saw then.

Approximately 2 people could fit in that tiny viewing closet comfortably, but I didn’t concern myself with those “tiny” details. I could see it, I could vision doing focus groups there.

 I bought desks, a conference style table, six chairs at IKEA along with a cute little “waiting room” chair -  all on a $500 budget  - and I started telling everyone who would listen about it. I got so excited that I created a brochure about my space trying to market how easy it would be to conduct focus groups there. Well, fast forward 17 years and I never held one damn focus group there. 

I’m telling you the story for 3 reasons:

1.     The Dream hasn’t changed:  I still have a dream today to conduct group sessions and empathy interviews in my own space. And now I know that it doesn’t have to look like I thought it would. In fact, now it could just look like having a green screen behind me and being able to pull together people on a zoom call.  I still believe I could realize a dream to have my own space for small focused group interactions. 

2.     The Dream moves You forward: Having the dream moved me forward with a lot of amazing opportunities that were better than what I could have imagined.  Because I was excited about what I was doing, I was able to pick up clients I had never dreamed of working with.  And the path offered a direction that propelled me forward to realize many beautiful experiences that may not have happened if I had not chosen to create an office space in that little attic space…. with a big dream.

3.     Our Dreams are Ours - they are our soul’s knocking on the door of our brains saying “don’t forget that I’m here.”  The intuition you have inside of you about what your heart desires is data, it is truth.  No one has to validate what is inside of you, it doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.  It’s our job alone to unite our head and heart together to refine, work with, and act on our dreams. It is our freedom to do that – to choose our dreams or not.

4.     Our Dreams increase our Empathy for others– believe it or not, exercising the “muscle” of imagination helps us see and feel what it might be like for others.  When we can imagine another world other than our own, especially when it’s very different that our current reality, we are better able to empathize with others in a new way.  One of my favorites, Angela Duckworth, speaks about a “debate” she had on this subject here.

As you dare to dream, to imagine, remember that imagination does not originate from the same place as fear. How you execute that dream eventually may shift alter and change. While I never realized the dream of doing focus groups in that small attic space, I know that because I started dreaming about it, it actually lifted me to a place where I could handle the many rejections and confused looks when I suggested we should do focus groups in a hot Texas attic closet with a small one-way mirror.  

 My dreams allowed me to carry on because I could see it so clearly. It takes space and willingness to look under the covers to pick your dreams back up. I encourage you to do that as I’m encouraging myself to do that these days.  I have ben re-learning the act of using my imagination. 

How does the voice talking inside your head make you feel?  If you are feeling fear, anxiety, worry, stress as you dream, notice that.

And notice the difference in how that feels vs. when you feel alive, excited, hopeful, driven. These feelings can serve as a guide as your’e honing your vision. 

It will help you uncover which voice is talking – the fear voice or the voice of your soul. 

Then choose which voice makes you feel better.

There’s a reason that Step 2 in our Empathy Co-Creation™ process is “Imagine” – it’s because it propels you forward allowing you to become empathetic to yourself and others as you enter into the unknown “messy middle” of whatever you’re creating.

If you’re interested in learning more about our tools to help you develop a powerful vision, you can sign up for our email list here.

How Empathy Can Help You Create Big Change When You’re in the “Messy Middle”

Here we are in what Brené Brown calls “Day 2” in her Unlocking Us podcast.  She refers to it as the intense “in between.”  The time after the die has been cast - we are past the point of no return.  

There’s a glaze that has formed again over our initial raw feelings that burst forth back in March when COVID hit and rippled shock through us all. Now I notice emotional cover-up again, like how caulking and a fresh coat of paint can close up the cracks where the foundation has shifted - both in my own emotions and what I see on Facebook and other social media.

In place of the heartfelt emotions I saw at the beginning of our pandemic when everything was raw, I now see pointing of fingers. I see how hard it is for us all to be with our own emotions.

Ironically, I see this in myself even though I spent the greater part of the summer writing about emotions.  I took a group of beta testers through this process I call Empathy Co-Creation™ - giving them tools to help unearth emotions to harness their energy and power to create more of what matters in their life. 

Brené talks about Day 2 being not only the messy middle but also where the magic happens.  She references that this is more than just what she sees in her own practice but also a theme in most storytelling, described as Act 2.  I found a great article here that describes Day 2 as “The Protagonist’s Arc.” This messy magic happens because it’s the point of transformation - when the protagonist is willing to be vulnerable and ask for help, recognizing that we can’t do it alone.  

I resonate with this so much – not only from a broader perspective due to the heaviness of COVID, racial injustice, climate issues and more, but also in the way I see creation happen time after time, project after project when going through the process. 

It corresponds to the way I have laid out the Empathy Co-Creation framework of my course – the Discover & Blend modules in the process are what I would call “the messy middle.” 

And it’s also where I find myself now – I’ve written what I know, and I find myself in this in-between phase.  Vacillating between wanting to put it on a shelf and just push it forward, knowing there’s still more for me to uncover.  Knowing that I must be willing to dig deep myself… I must be vulnerable and ask for help to get through the middle.  I’m seeing that we, that I, can’t skip the middle. 

I have this unique vantage point of having a job where its purpose is to excavate, understand, explore, investigate and finally create from a “mess” of information.  To make it mean what it needs to mean – to create by marrying heart data with ideas and vision. I have explored what people want in depth for the purpose of creating solutions based on emotional needs.

I’ve spent thousands upon thousands of hours writing specific discussion guides, conducting focus groups, drawing templates to facilitate conversations around the emotional landscape of various categories. Whether for toilet paper, how people care for their hair, what foods they like to eat and why or how they shop for their pets.

And I began thinking a couple years ago about, if we could create products and services in mass based on people’s emotions, why can we not use the same methodology to create solutions for the good by internally reflecting on and being with our own and others’ emotions with more empathy.

My job, at least professionally, is to sit and listen with complete detachment and only curiosity to what someone’s telling me and to probe further in order to understand from their perspective what reality looks like for that person. 

And when I am tuned into who this person is and what their reality is without judgment and only curiosity, my ego, my fear, my amygdala falls to the back seat and instead, honors the prefrontal cortex with which creation occurs. I believe that if these skills can be utilized to harness our own emotions in depth and/or the emotions of others in a way that creates powerful transformation, the divisiveness, conflicts, judgment, defensiveness will rest.

It will step aside because we will be in a state of creating with and for each other. Now I know this sounds quite unreasonable considering where we are, but I also know that it works. I know it works because I am paid well to do this very thing for the purpose of creation, and I have watched the fruits of my labor manifest into extreme abundance for those who are able to create from it.

It is time that we all stop judging each other.  It is time to start getting curious. Just start listening.  For when we slow down, get curious, and listen to another’s heart, our own heart shifts, and the judgment chains we are trapped in start to loosen a little. 

I also recognize the irony it has been for me to be an “expert” in empathy interviewing and yet have been shut off to my own emotions for so many years. The life changes I’ve been through the last few years have created a new recognition about how challenging it is to be empathetic when we either believe strongly about something or we care deeply for someone. And even greater a challenge still for many of us, is to be self-empathetic. 

Ironically our beliefs we emotionally care about the most can keep us from accessing our empathy. And what is empathy? Empathy is the catalyst, the connection to compassion if you let it be. It is the tool that moves us from our mind and into our hearts. I developed an Emotional Landscape framework as a part of this course I wanted to share here. I like frameworks.  And because there is so much being written about emotions these days, I needed to create a new way to think about emotions in a context that I know works.

This framework is through the lens of creation and control – along the horizontal axis are emotions that either keep you “stuck”(the far left side) or have “momentum” (the far right) while the vertical axis are emotions that help put you in a state of “in control” (top) or “out of control” (bottom).  When we can uncover what’s really going on inside us emotionally and why, and shift to what is desired, we can become more creative and feel more in control. 

When anyone, especially a group, comes together in a space of creative control, magic happens. Products are made. Strategy is developed. Things change in a massive way.

But back to the messy middle.  Here is some of the feedback on my course from my initial testers:

1.     My course could be possibly better served if it was pulled out of the linear framework and more into buckets or themes

2.     It would be good to have almost a recipe or cookbook so that people can utilize the different tools based on where they are in their creative process or what they are trying to create.

3.     Consider tailoring to people based on “what” they’re trying to create -  whether it’s a small or large change or a certain area of life, something specific (a new career) or general (a new attitude).  

4.     I have been focused on the “how to” (empathy) instead of the “benefits of” empathy. 

So will you help me customize my course so that it’s better suited for all of these factors?  I now have a better understanding of some of the “benefits” of empathy – how my empathy tools can actually benefit others.  And I have a link here (and below) to a survey so I can now do for myself what I’ve been doing for others – better analyze what benefits matter most and to whom?  If you’re interested in me bringing this to life, can you click the link and take the survey for me? All questions are optional – you can answer what you feel comfortable with. 

I’ve been reluctant to put these ideas out into the world until I feel more confident it will be a game changer.  So much of what I’ve done over the years - creating tools processes questions etc. have all been customized for specific project objectives.  I’m wanting to now categorize what I’ve been working on for years in a way that can help leaders in their personal and professional endeavors in a way that is the most meaningful and can create the most change.

I want successful affluent leaders to be able to dig in below the surface to harness their power, their creative energy, to help them create more of what really matters in their lives.

Here’s a link to a quick survey – if you’re interested in this idea moving forward, would you be so kind to tell me what you want to create and where you are in the creative process?

Regardless, I hope you’re keeping well in this messy middle.  That you’re finding hope – that there are moments at least where you live in the top right quadrant above and you are finding your way back on solid ground.  I believe we are going to get there, and that what we are learning along the way will stay with us when we do. 

How to Create Space and Connection in a Virtual World Like a Teacher

I resisted being a teacher.  Although my undergraduate degree was in Education, I swiftly pulled the plug on that deal after my student teaching semester.  Up until now, I’ve never identified as a teacher, and I’m starting to understand why.

Instead, I have strongly identified as a “marketing researcher,” which really doesn’t mean much to a vast majority of the population.  But recently, I have had this overwhelming pull to “teach” something I see as a need.  The need to teach: why and how empathy can facilitate creating things that matter.

As a marketing researcher, I have spent the majority of my career unearthing people’s emotional desires and tensions to help brands speak to their customers in a way that can alter choice. 

Big brands do that because they know:  people make decisions based on emotional desires and frustrations (even when they think they are making decisions with rationale).

Recently, I have been playing with the idea of using empathy to better connect with oneself and each other for the purpose of helping individuals and organizations create more of what matters.

It started with a question - “what if the empathetic marketing research process could be turned inward so that individuals and small groups could unearth their own and other’s emotions to create more of whatever matters in their own lives?”

It has been more of a challenge than I thought to learn how to take this concept out of marketing research, and into real life connections. 

This summer, I pulled together a group of women beta testers to review my initial “online course” and who I consider to be:

1.     B@dass in their careers

2.     Brilliant in their thinking

3.     Big-hearted

As the process unfolded, I saw the need to do more than just the learning content and to help them “help each other” with “support sessions” for their creative project.  Naively, I thought that bringing together a “focus group” for their individual support should come naturally for me – facilitating the unearthing of emotions to help them tap into their power and create from that is “what I do”, I told myself. 

 But as time grew nearer to our first session, I realized why I never became a teacher: I have anxiety of losing control of a group’s dynamics and worry they would self-destruct. 

This had nothing to do with the group - it comes from my own fear of not feeling safe with others who are smart. I fear judgment, or perhaps seen as crazy, or possibly unseen or unheard.  

And while that may seem a little extreme, these fears center around what I have seen throughout my life - of people who “care” for each other. And in their “care”, destroy one another in a group setting.  Doing things like shutting people down, “teaching” the one who is vulnerable, over-spiritualizing or becoming the educator, over “sympathizing” or coaching or cheerleading. 

All of these things may be well-intentioned, yet they do not foster the safety that is needed for full expression; instead, they shut it down.  Nothing new can be created when people are emotionally shut down, afraid to say what they really think or feel.  And nothing new can be created when those creating are feeling judged.  True creation happens in the space of empathy.  For empathy allows creation to unfold. 

 That is why I believe if we are going to truly “be” with each other authentically, we must learn to show up as our “empathetic self” vs. our “caring self.”  When this happens, heart-activated solutions present themselves.

For 17+ years in focus groups, I have created a “container” of space in a controlled environment – one where people feel safe enough to openly express their opinions.  As a result, I have been witness to really cool creations.

But it’s one thing to create a safe “container” in a controlled environment, especially when it’s with a group of strangers.  In some ways, getting strangers to connect authentically in a deep way is easy because there is little to no fear of loss of future connection.  It’s a one and done conversation.  Plus, the ones who are actually creating based on emotions are behind the glass.

 It’s quite another to guide others who intend to create for and with each other, and have potential fears associated with emotional exposure to be with each other safely, especially in a virtual environment such as Zoom. 

It’s more complicated when you begin diving into more authentic conversations with people you care about. Because when you are helping a group form for deeper connection and creativity you must also be with multiple levels of “emotion” – your own, each individual member and the group as a whole.  

So, I put together an overarching way to think about the Empathetic Self vs. the Caring Self – and why the caring self does not foster the creativity needed, while the empathetic self does.

Considering I have formed a career doing this, I was shocked at how new it felt to create a container for others to be with others.  I struggled afterwards - with my own feelings of shame and disconnection because I wanted to “do better” at simultaneously guiding each member to contribute with “empathy” WHILE keeping the whole group’s energy focused toward the heart instead of the mind.

It’s one thing to create connection, it’s quite another to be connected while teaching it – especially in an empathetic way for myself.  Doing so requires all at the same time:

1.     Creating connection between the emotions of each individual, the one sharing and the group as a whole

2.     Redirecting positively– so each member can stay in emotional conversation

3.     Navigating technology – creating virtual energy

4.     Creating guardrails for emotional presence.

5.     Being present with my own emotions as I danced between creating control over the group’s comfort vs. surrender and trust to the individuals in the process

I realize how much I, too, struggle with being present in my heart rather than my head when I am trying to teach something.  

Here’s what I discovered.  I need to:

1.     Slow down.   When teaching something, I must break things down a bit more – I notice my reluctance to want to be the expert and prefer to ask questions than “talk too much.”  I prefer to just jump in and do it; that’s my learning style and assume it’s others, too.  So, after a quick recap of the thinking, we jumped into the process. I realized afterwards that it would have made everyone feel more comfortable practicing asking open-ended questions if I had given some examples of the type of questions that take people to their heart vs. their mind.

2.     Simplify, then Define each step.  I used words like “Insight” and “Brainstorm” and realized as I was running down the field toward the goal, I might be the only one who knew where the ball was!  Someone asked if I could define an insight – and suddenly my own insight appeared – “Ohhh, I thought to myself.  Defining insight would help everyone understand more clearly WHY it’s important to uncover emotional understanding, not just behaviors.  Because an Insight is the aha moment when one can gain an accurate and deep intuitive understanding of a person or thing. When Empathy and Insight come together, deeper connections are made. 

3.     Give the Why – In case you are wondering, it’s not immediately clear in most group settings why you would possibly want to unearth fears, desires, and other feelings. (unless perhaps in group therapy settings).  Because, in most cases, it is quite taboo to express emotions fully.  The opposite is required – keep your emotions in check, bite your tongue, turn the other check, be a stoic.  We are taught at every turn to have “emotional control” so it’s an interesting outlier to have been hired by massive companies for years to do the opposite. Ironic, right?  I’m learning that it is not intuitive as to why there are very good reasons to uncover and be with other’s emotions in a controlled environment.  Teaching others to connect to create through the power of both heart and mind is a part of what needs to be taught. 

4.     Model, Tell a Story and/or Give Examples first.  My style is – ok, here’s the rough swag, now go do it.  Ummm, not helpful when trying to create safe space. As mentioned, emotional unearthing doesn’t necessarily feel “normal”, so easing people into doing new things requires a bit more hand holding than just giving them a bike and pushing them off!   I saw that each step in the process we used needs a further “why” as well as an example or story of how to make it concrete.

5.     Interrupt with integrity (“Yes and…”) I observed myself not being able to stop me as if in a slow motion reel shouting out to myself – “nooooooooooo” as I watched myself jump in to correcting a question.  It’s as if there were 2 parts of me – the part that knew better and the part that was so programmed to do what I do that I just split in half pouring all of my insides on the floor and then attempting to clean up the mess I made.  “Practice what you preach” was the lightbulb moment – it’s one thing to “tell others” to build on what others are saying, using positive builds such as “yes and” and “what if” – but if I don’t give myself the same guardrails or reminder, I just do what I know to do.  I correct the behavior.  And correction is not necessarily what the process is all about, is it?  No, it’s not. 

So, back to teachers.  I wonder how many are struggling with this same need to keep the classes learning (with their mind) and yet emotionally engaged (with their heart) on some level to create work in this new world.  We are in a new era of heart and mind working together.  And it’s not easy for any of us.

And yet, I am grateful to learn what I am trying to teach - correction via judgment is less important than connection via empathy and surrender of control.  It is through the connection to ourselves and others that we will pierce through the pain into creation with strength, love and resilience.

Made With Empathy™ because now is the time to make more things with empathy

A few years ago, amidst exhaustion, burnout, and a desire to do something meaningful with less energy, I started down the path of creating an online course.  At the time, I thought this course I wanted to create should teach micro business owners to brand their business by going through the same research process large corporations use to create mass brands.  

I have been facilitating brand and product innovation research for over 17 years.  So, I set out to create this course, blind to what I thought I knew about all the things it takes to create something, and naive about what I didn’t - ironic, huh.  I went through a small business program to help develop the idea. I enlisted friends, clients, and other resources to help me “figure it out.”   I took a 1 week trip to Tulum, Mexico by myself to draft the whole course.  I did my own marketing research with my target audience (thanks to Fieldwork- for letting me host my own groups without charge).  I participated in some of the most popular online courses to learn how to do it, including Amy Porterfield’s, Jeff Walker’s,  Marie Forleo’s and a few others.  I looked back on the first online course I purchased to learn about how to create an online course - and that was 4 years ago, y’all!!!  

That journey, along with a painful divorce left me feeling like an imposter with only a speck of the self-confidence I wanted to emulate.  But now, I’m telling you that, not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed (I used to feel shame that I couldn’t do for myself what i can do for others) but because I want to encourage anyone else who is trying to create something and they feel like they are not making progress - that I TOTALLY get it.

And I’m also saying this because I have learned a few things after spending all of this time, energy and money trying to bring something to life:

1. I didn’t need to change who my clients were, I needed to change who i was being and how I was showing up in my relationship with them.  I found out quickly through my own marketing research that my current clients were the people I know, love and understand.  They are my people.  For a minute, I thought “my people” were others like me, small business owners who were stressed out and crazy.  But NO - trying to help other crazy business owners that are the same crazy as me was not my jam!  I like my clients who are a different crazy than me! I love helping them, I just needed to reframe what mattered to me - what matters is my relationships with them, the connection to what they are working hard to do, as much as the output. I needed to blend what I was looking for - more meaningful creations - with what THEY needed more of - help with taking some of the heavy lifting off their plate, more ideas based on empathy, and solutions to help them move things forward, and a sounding board to set them up for success.

2. I also have more respect than ever for my clients who are in the business of bringing an idea through the process of creation.  It’s one thing to facilitate co-creation for large companies, it’s another thing to work through the process and the heavy lifting of bringing an idea to life - managing the emails, meetings, vendor relationships, peer relationships, or manager and employee relationships.

3. The things I do really well for my clients naturally (empathize, act fast, willing to explore new ideas, connecting the dots, facilitate constructive conversations, and deliver results to move things forward) are the same things I really sucked at doing for myself (up until now).  Once I began doing for myself what I do well for others, it became easier for me to create what I want for myself and others.

4. Bringing this idea into the world has forced me to look within, uncover and dance with all my biggest fears.  It has helped me channel my fears and create a new level of faith - that when things seem unachievable, it’s just a new opportunity for me to reframe my thinking.  Hell, I still don’t know if this idea is going anywhere, but I’m at least willing to try it, in hopes that by putting it out there and receiving feedback, I can learn and try again.

So, with great trepidation and also an exhale of relief that it’s totally ok to fail, I am launching my Made With Empathy™ website.  I’m so determined to check the box and say I did it that I decided to do it myself.  It’s not even close to perfect, but that’s ok.

I feel like i’ve failed a million times at bringing my Made With Empathy™ to life - i’ve wrestled with feeling like its “just a stupid idea” and wondered how it’s going to help anyone.  But the one thing I’ve held onto is this crazy belief that somehow, someway, somewhere, it’s going to be helpful - because although a lot about the idea has changed, my goal with it never has: I want to inspire people to step into their lives bravely to create what matters using a proven process based on empathy.

In the deepest part of me, I knew that every time I walked into a focus group room or created space for a team to ideate, or had a call with a client where I asked the right questions to get to the core of the problem to solve, that this way of being - empathetic being - could be taught to create even more of what matters.

 As I look out across a heavy, saddened enraged world, I can hear my Made With Empathy™ idea saying - “yes, this is what you’ve been creating me for - you created me because you saw a need”.  The need is there.  There’s a need to take the tools, skills, and processes used to innovate products and services and teach leaders, innovators - my clients - how to approach anything they want to create from a place of empathy.

It’s time.  It’s time to make more of what matters with empathy.  I need a problem to solve, and now I can hear the problem screaming so loudly, it’s deafening.

While I don’t know how to solve what’s going on with the current racial climate, i do know this - when my clients don’t know how to solve something and they need to create something new, we come together, design a method to learn what we need to learn through empathetic listening and from that, we begin to innovate and create, then test, and finesse and eventually, we have something new that solves a problem.  

My hope is that MWE can be used to help those smarter than me create solutions efficiently with joy and grace for racial injustice, for corporate “new norms” due to COVID, and for all the new innovations that will be needed to cross the chasm of destruction we are all in to safer ground.

If you’re interested in learning more about the Empathy Co-Creation process, click here.

If you’re interested in a free consultation, you can click here to contact me.

Until we meet up, I am hopeful you are staying well. And breathing deeply.  

And here are a couple of books I am reading now in case it’s a good resource for you:  

1. How to Be an Antiracist

2. Dying of Whitness

As well as this and other articles being published by Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley links to resources I’m finding helpful that correlate with what Made With Empathy™ is about.

What to Think about When the Perfect Storm Hits

When the perfect storm hits, you have two choices - smile and jump into it, praying for something bigger than you to take you to shore.  Or resist it, fight it. Either way, you may die. 

You may not live, but I am learning to believe, to have faith that things will turn out.  I believe when you believe that an island and a margarita await you when you get to shore, perhaps there’s a better chance of being lifted out of the wind and the water and learn to breathe underwater.  I’m learning to believe in focusing on what it will be like when I reach my goal, to help me manage through my fears.

I’m not saying I will make it out “alive and well”, I am saying I want to.  I want to stay here, and I want to do big things in this world.  I want to change myself so I can change some of the world.  Why? Because I don’t like everything the world has been offering lately but more importantly, I believe there is more beauty available here on earth than what our species has created thus far.  

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate so much of what we have created.  And yet, there’s more…. There’s more love, there’s more sharing, caring, compassion…there’s more empathy available than what I’ve been seeing. 

I believe we can all learn how to connect in a way that is not “power over” others.  I want to see a system where those in need are getting fed with the waste of those who need to “dump” their excess.  I want to see a system where regardless of skin color or opinion, we can trust and live in peace with our beautiful differences.

There has to be a better way.  Can I be a bridge builder?  God, let me build a bridge between those who need it most and those who are seeing their surplus create waste in the world.  Let there be no more waste.  Let the waste feed the hungry.  God give me the funds, yes, the money to help me make a difference.  Give me the ability to let go of my ego every day so that I can show up not for myself but for a greater good.  Let me be a bridge between marginalized communities, no matter their skin color and the powers that be who can help create better for everyone.

Let the resources I create be a blessing to millions.  And let me create an abundance of resources to bless millions  more.  

Yes, I want to collaborate and co-create - for the purpose of creating what matters and to give in a greater way.

This is what I’m living into - but it’s not where I was last Friday. Last Friday, I sat in a dark confused, dismal place.  I allowed my current reality give way to my predisposed place of worry when a storm hits.  

You see I grew up on a West Texas farm, where at least once a season I took in the anxiety, worry and loss of hope that sometimes gripped both my dad and my grandfather.  I remember sitting by the window watching the storm with the family, knowing that “this could be the storm” that takes us out.  I actually remember feeling like if the storm hit just right, we would likely die.  A tornado could rip through the house.  A thunderstorm could take out the crop and then dad couldn’t pay “his note” to the bank, and then, and then, and then….  I felt all of those things deeply.  They were programmed in.

And guess what, it didn’t happen.  Yes, there were a lot of storms.  There were a lot of hard years, there may have even been some years “the bank note” couldn’t be paid.  I don’t know because the details of money weren’t really discussed - just the promise of what it meant for a “good crop” (we could pay off our debt - yeah!) or the consequence of what it meant to have a “bad crop” - (we could not pay off our debt….and then what??  Too much to think about).  

So, I have spent most of my life “preparing for a storm” - I started in college by receiving a full ride to college through multiple scholarships (no, the costs were NOT what it is now) plus a job then a second job - plus a full load of classes (with a broken wrist on my writing hand - before keyboards were heard of).  

And since then, most of the choices I’ve made in life have been for enough of a “financial net” to be “safe from the storm”.  

So WILD that my growing awareness (pre and post divorce, loads of therapy, coaching, self-help masters, etc.) has taken me a place to begin visioning my life in a new way.  One where I began to let go of my hold on “fear of losing money.”  Fear’s hold on me.  As I began this year, January 2020, living into the vision of getting my daughter to a fully supportive school for her individual learning needs, it brought me to a place where I simultaneously had to breathe through being “extra leveraged” financially for the first time, maybe ever as an adult.  

We found a beautiful school in North Richland Hills and a home in Colleyville, TX, which happens to be a little magical oasis in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.  Beautiful, spacious, and not only that, I found a home on a couple of acres with a horse stable, and the ability to have horses.

Moving here during COVID into this early 80’s style ranch-house, with minimal trees, pasture, barn, and even the horses being stabled on our property has taken me back to my West Texas roots.  We feel at home.  And as we finalized the close of the house, the “perfect storm” I had been avoiding my entire life, hit. 

While I was able to lock in an amazing interest rate for the loan, the money I had saved for a down payment had been put in “very secure” dividend stocks (instead of a savings account)….which came tumbling down before I pulled it out.  At the same time, my business pipeline came to a screeching halt as “stay at home” policies were put into place across the globe.  When this perfect storm hits, there is almost freedom in it hitting.  It’s like a balloon you’ve been protecting just pops, and then you can breathe.  And then once you start breathing again, you realize how hard it is to learn how to breathe again.  

Because you’ve been holding so much worry and stress around this whole time that you’re not even aware your lack of breathing.  So, the breathing helps.  It gives you permission to feel everything you’ve been worried about to a greater level.

And once you feel it and let it pass through you, then your mind can kick in again and say again - “what do I want?  What is important to me?”  I was able to remember what I want.  And once I remembered what I wanted, I could take action without knowing all the details on how – it was as if the drowning caused a necessary intuitive reaction to survive, to pull me out of the deep water.  And I navigated out of it.

What I’m recognizing is that there are times in life to ask the “how” question and there are times to ask the “what” question.

It’s easy for me to get into all the “how’s” right now - that is my fear kicking in. (How am I going to survive, keep the business alive, keep my daughter and I fed, keep my people who count on me to bring in business fed?) 

However, I know from the way we design research questioning techniques that the “what" questions are the most important ones as you begin any major undertaking - the “what” creates a mechanism for your brain to imagine.  The “how” begins to form as you move through the “what” - it guides you forward.  

What I want is to protect my baby, to show her bravery in the storm, I want to protect the people who depend on me for supportive income, and I want to continue doing the amazing work I love.  I want to help my clients weather the storm.  

But maybe most importantly, I want to be a ripple at the surface of the earth.  One that says to everyone I know who also struggles with fear - don’t quit, it’s ok to fear, we all do, but you must move through it.  You must stand up and think about what you want.  For when you can imagine a future you want, your life can change, not only your life, but those you impact.  

I didn’t come to this place of acceptance, of strength, of understanding who I am, to give up now.  I intend to co-create a world that is better because I am here.  I intend to co-create what matters.  More on the how soon…

6 Emotional Waves from the Great COVID-19 Ocean

As we continue down the COVID-19 journey, I have found myself aching somedays, and rejoicing others. As a way of coping with my own emotions, I decided to do what I normally do - interview others to understand their experience as a way of processing my own.  

I talked to 11 women in-depth over Zoom webcam videos - across life stages, demographics, in the US, Peru, Italy and Argentina to better understand other’s emotional experiences and behavior changes as a result of COVID-19.  Here are a few of many key “themes” or patterns that emerged. Noted: As with all qualitative research, this is not statistically valid.  And I want to note that everyone I talked to had not been impacted by the virus (personally or experienced a loss of a loved one). However, there was a great degree of difference in the economic impact each individual was personally experiencing.

1 ~ Women are “Finally" Free to Feel - 

• One of the most interesting commonalities we saw was the level of unashamed “feelings” they were experiencing.  Most striking to me was the rawness of feeling, ready and available, waiting to be released.  Like a faucet with a super charged nozzle.

• Ironically, this is unlike my 17+ years of experience interviewing women, where emotions lay dormant and suppressed waiting for enough space and gentle nudging in order for emotions to surface.  

• What time and social distancing has given to women is something unprecedented - the ability to experience the fullness of themselves - the freedom to feel their feelings.

2 ~ Individual Preference Trumps Group Norms

• Women are accustomed to turning to others to help “figure out the unknown.” Google, friends, family and co-workers, have previously provided answers when women embark on something new - whether a new mom, learning a new recipe, or how to start a business. 

• But now, with no “map”, women are relying on their own self-sufficiency to “figure it out.”  The women I spoke to have been relegated to figure out a new world without a map or guidebook in every level of their lives – whether it’s home schooling, learning new technologies in record speed, working virtually with competing demands, juggling basic needs - new food, sleep, and shelter norms, elderly and/or sick parents, how to shop, interact, do social “touches”- it is all being reconfigured.

• And there’s not an answer on Google for “how to best do it.” When they do find a source for guidance, it usually differs from another source’s best recommendation.   They are “playing by the rules put upon them” and working out new, original ways to solve their own problems.

  1. Small business owner mediating between 2 experts she hired - an attorney and a CPA - to “figure out” how to secure a loan to keep employees paid.

  2. Expat in Peru learning to “dry” clothes without a dryer while "working out" with filled water bottles.

  3. Working mom who is learning to cook for the first time without recipes using snacks and ingredients she has at home.

3 ~ Experiencing the Extreme is Creating a Space for Emotional Balance

• Because women are beginning to experience the fullness of their emotions - what is left in the wake of the emotional waves is a space for balance, “the in between.”  

• They spoke of so many paradoxes - beautiful gifts and horrific nightmares simultaneously, which causes extreme feelings –

  1. “joyful moments I haven’t been able to sit with before”

  2. “Justified anger that typically I would question but now I know it’s true and I don’t have to self-blame.”  

  3. "Deep sadness because seeing the loss all around me brings me to my knees."  

All of this in such a small space of time appears to create an opening, a space, a pinhole for which to see the world in a more balanced way.  It’s creating a window to see all of it - more conceptually.  More holistically, more balanced.

4 ~ The Great Leveler is Self-Empathy

• These women appear to empathize at a new level – first for themselves. 

  •  I saw more compassion for others than judgment.

  • I saw more questions instead of answers. 

• And as these women questioned everything and felt everything, their eyes seemed to open fully to OTHER’s emotions. 

• Interestingly, those who are experiencing a greater loss of physical freedom are still wanting greater empathy. “When I see my co-workers in the US talk about how hard it is while they are taking pictures outdoors in nature with their kids, I think to myself it’s not the same as it is here where I am on permanent lockdown and can’t leave the house without permission papers and on certain days – I wish they could see that.”  

• As they fully saw and experienced their own experience, they began to also see and feel through the eyes of other’s more deeply. 

  • “You have to embrace your own vulnerability in order to understand what other’s problems are.” 

  • “I feel for those who are in the front line, what it must be like for them.  I can hardly deal with my own prison, let alone being fearful daily of my own life.”

• The depth they were feeling their own emotions appears to correlate with the depth they were able to feel compassion vs. judgment for others.

  • “I wish they could see what a great time this is to experience their children.” 

  Vs.

  • “I am learning to be ok to just have a little cry every day to get it out of my system vs. taking the impossible moral high grounds.”

5 ~ Time is the Great Catalyst for Women Leaders to Rise Up

We didn’t recruit leaders specifically but it’s interesting that in all the interviews, regardless of age/stage, whether they were stay at home moms, running a business, retired or laid off: They were showing up for themselves and their family as holistic leaders in a way that they normally ONLY show up for others. These women were natural leaders in this crisis. This is a crisis that for some, is giving them something they need most: time to reflect.

1. This time appears to be giving women the ability to go inward, experience their emotions, and integrate that with their pragmatic minds in a way that solves holistically for everyone in their world.

2. Ironically, as these women used their "extra me time" to solve first and foremost for what they need, they were also solving for bigger problems as well:

   1. A stay at home wife of an expat confined to her apartment for over 30 days created a private Facebook group allowing others to share ideas and positivity because she is needing to find connection outside her 4 walls.

   2. A C-level leader in the financial industry is pushing back to her leadership, standing up for herself and employees due to “justified anger” by creating a conversation for “more down time” and greater connection virtually outside of “work mode.”

   3. A retired veteran's wife is creating opportunities for her neighborhood by facilitating ways for neighbor kids to connect at a distance because she is fueled by her need to see her grandkids.

   4. An entrepreneur is purchasing cupcakes from a local bakery and sending “goodies” to her clients because she is marrying her own need to stay in business with hope for her fellow local business owners.

3. These women are simultaneously finding ways to put salve on their inner emotional world while sending ripple effects into their outer world because they have more time.

6 ~ New Behaviors Emerging - Simultaneous Deeper Connection with Online & Nature

1. Ironically, this has created both a need for deeper connection with nature along with a deeper comfort with online connection.  

2. Those 2 things have traditionally not worked together in unison, but in this case, the need to connect online - with peers, students, teachers, friends, family, and work associates - has created a bigger need to be outside more than ever before.  

   1. “The best part of my day is walking outdoors with my kids at 3:00 when we all need a break.”  

   2. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want to meet up for happy hour again when I can do it just as easily from my living room.”  

3. These are 2 new behaviors that will likely continue because it’s a surprise to feel so emotionally connected with nature and to connect emotionally with others via “online socializing.”   

So, these are just a few things I am digesting. I am also thinking about new ways to frame up “emotional needs” states, as well as next step implications and questions companies will need to address - both from a consumer lens as well as an organizational lens.   

Here’s the greatest learning I’m getting - who we decide to “be” (as families, communities, organizations, and countries) is going to be as or more  important going forward than what we decide to “do”.

6 Affirmations for Transformation in the Unknown

I listened last night to Mel Robbins Instagram video post of her morning routine.  And after seeing it, I recognized the value of sharing mine too.  Often, I refrain from sharing because of one of the following reasons:

1. Feeling not good enough.  I ask myself questions like, “What do I have to share that others would want to know about?”  

2. Worry that others will criticize me - for some element of my thinking they disagree with.  I watch others who are sharing their feelings online and see how easy it is to get land blasted virtually. 

3. But more than anything, I think it’s shame – shame for feeling as if I “have” more than others.  I feel guilt when I think about how much I have been blessed with and often worry about being perceived as a “show off” so I lessen myself, minimize who I am.  I worry about jealousy of others. 

I see that clearly now - I have been frightened of other’s jealousy for much of my life.  Fear of being judged for being “too much”, “too over the top” so I reduce in order to be loved.

This COVID-19 has taught me that any fear, no matter how or where it creeps in, creates a “hiding place” for me to live in silence.  But I don’t want to hide anymore.  Because hiding brings me down.  As much as I want others to lift me up, to get me, I understand more now than ever, that I am the only one who has to approve of me. 

The more I approve of myself, the more I am willing to show up authentically, hoping that by sharing who I am, others might find a glimmer of hope.  I weigh the risk of hurt and criticism with the reward of vulnerability and being brave, and I can see that when I let go of my own fear, I can return to hope.  Now more than ever, I grasp for “hope moments” each day.

So, here’s hoping this story will instill a bit of hope. 

January this year, a friend of mine and I attended Rachel Hollis’ Rise Conference in Fort Myers, Florida.  That feels like a lifetime ago.  One of my biggest actionable take-aways was to use the “Start Today” journal she gave us in our goodie bags. The premise of the journal is to begin each day with writing 3 things:  

1. 5 Gratitude statements

2. 10 “Dreams”

3. 1 Goal to Focus on

Each page has the same format – repeat, repeat. When I returned on January 11, I began and haven’t missed a day (actually, I think I missed 1 day) since then.   It was an interesting exercise for me.  As a self-help junkie, I have been through numerous programs including Landmark, Tony Robbins, and countless others, but this was an interesting, repetitive way to create clarity, vision, and focus all at once. 

It reminded me of the Stephen Covey days where in my early 20’s, I used the “planner” to help me focus on goals.  Since then, I’ve used countless goal and planner systems, and haven’t found anything that worked quite as well as that.  But when I started this practice, an unexpected shift happened.

 Many of my goals were regarding work and dreams for my business, but the one goal closest to my heart, the one I chose to focus on was: 

• Migrate my daughter to a school where she will thrive holistically (socially, emotionally, academically, physically). 

What this process of gratitude, dreaming, then focusing did was allow me to bring from my subconscious to my conscious what I had been procrastinating on.  I knew in my heart it was time for her to move, and I guess I was waiting to “prove it” to myself.

After about a week of writing this, I finally stopped procrastinating and began taking action toward the large project before me of discovering, researching and exploring schools – which is quite a feat if you live in Dallas county. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that it had been awhile since I had been clear about what I wanted to do for myself (rather than for others) and this process gave me the clarity I needed.

Suddenly, I got into Post-it creation land , created a large visual board so she could understand the concept of “discovering without deciding” and moved her from resistance to excitement about learning something new, unknown. 

What I realized as I went down this journey is that just a small action toward what you want when you have total clarity on what it is keeps you grounded and in your truth no matter what others say about or to you. 

A few patterns I discovered along the way and some affirmations I wrote to combat some old beliefs and to keep with me for the future:

1. Inner Strength in Resistance – I was shocked at how others resisted my desire for my child, wanting to insert their opinions about what they believed was best for me, and my child.  I learned that their opinion was just that, an opinion, and it didn’t have to be mine.  I discovered that if I give myself permission, I can trust myself instead of looking outside of me for validation.

   • Affirmation #1:  I am the expert and authority on me and my child.

2. Grace in Letting Go – On the other hand, I learned how much I want others to understand MY opinion about something this important to me.  I wanted others to go on my journey with me, hold my hand, see me, understand me, and I have had to let go of expecting anyone else to take my journey with me…and it’s damn hard to do that with grace.  Some days I did better than others.

   • Affirmation #2:  I am willing to let go of that which doesn’t serve me and focus on what does.

3. Synchronicity is For Real (replace synchronicity for God, or magic, or whatever your personal flavor of this is) – I like God Magic because that’s what it feels like to me but I soften it to synchronicity for those who may have issue with the use of 1) God 2)Magic or 3) Both being in the same phrase.  The events that began occurring due to my initial efforts were mind blowing, and way beyond my control, leading me down a path of discovering:

   • a Gifted & Talented diagnostician,

   • a learning diagnosis called Twice Exceptional ,

   • a lot about misdiagnosed ADHD from a book called The Mislabeled Child and other things such as vision processing disorder, auditory processing disorder and multisensory processing disorder.

   • There’s also something you can do to help: vision therapy

   • the perfect school for my daughter - EA Young

   • Affirmation #3:  I consistently show up and do my part – get clear and take a step - and trust the rest to God Magic.

4. All Boats Lift When the Tide Rises – interestingly enough, the focus on that one goal actually manifested into another dream on my “10 dreams list” with synchronicity.  My dream to one day own a home with enough space for a horse and “event barn” presented itself.  Upon locking on the school that was a perfect fit for her, I realized it would require a move and started taking small actions to find a real estate agent who knew the area.  This turned a dream (after years of many failed attempts) into a reality and is now being brought to life.

   • Affirmation #4: I focus on what’s most important to me right now and trust that all else will be done in right timing.

5. Not All Animals are the Same – I have spent much of my life perceiving all people to be “the same” – through my lens.   It’s probably like being in a zoo – if you’ve been caged with the same “kind” of animal for years, you don’t realize some animal species act quite different than others. As I decided to let go of some of the people I was trying to get approval from – those who struggled to lift me up as I grew (the crabs in my life), and willing to venture forth, it wasn’t long until I realized there ARE other zoo animals, ones I never knew existed.  I am getting to know the mighty elephants  in my life more deeply, and meeting more of them! The journey feels better amidst reciprocal relationships.

   • Affirmation #5: I am powerful and strong, and I support others who are willing to live in their power and strength.

6. More Goodies = More Growth – stepping into this process doesn’t mean my life is perfect, or worry-free.  It actually feels the opposite most days. Every day I commit to doing what feels way too hard, brave, terrifying, I get to meet new challenges and show up again, humbly nodding at the opportunity before me, forgiving the past, and hoping I can embrace the new mistakes I’ll make with grace.

   • Affirmation #6: I welcome new growth with grace and grit.

Now, we are close to closing on a new house in a new town, a new place, in a new school, during COVID-19 with people we are yet to know.  And I will continue to breathe, be grateful for, dream, step and pray through it all, sometimes with eyes closed and other times with eyes wide open.

I welcome getting the next perfect family in my current home.  While these are all new challenges I am working through, COVID-19 style, I have a renewed hope in this process.  Because I can see from my experience that when the tide rises, it’s a much better view - of surprising beauty, and yes pain. Even if I’m bleeding a little and have been knocked around some days, I prefer it to drifting.  Come play with me, lovelies.  Come rise with me, please.  It’s so much more fun to do this with others than alone.  You are not alone.

How to Stay Sane by Returning to Curiosity

Late last week, I wrote about my first wave of anxiety when COIVD-9 shifted our spring break plans, and life as I knew it began to change.

Only a few days later, it has changed in ways I wasn’t really expecting.  Yes, I think I have enough toilet paper now but I’m recognizing my new reality - the seemingly impossible task of juggling the work I have to do with the fear of not having work to do.

All the while being mindful of my child’s many needs, whether it be something to keep her active, learning, socially isolated, oh and food.  Yes, I must ensure she has food to eat.  And I’m doing it feeling more and more alone.  The reality of us all doing our part of social distancing to help flatten the curve is upon us.

But as I watch from afar my clients, friends, family and neighbors all trying to make sense of their world, too, I realize I’m not alone.  We are all on our individual journey to “nest” and create a new safe environment that includes getting our basic “physiological” needs (health, money, food, etc.) stabilized. Based on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs this is foundational to everything else.

So, as I strive to climb up Maslow’s Hierarchy to the next level - “safety”, I recognize the hack I use in my research is to stay curious.

And as I strive to climb on up the ladder yet again to Love & Belonging needs, I recognize my desire to connect. So that I don’t feel so alone.  I want to connect in a way that feels real and authentic, albeit virtual.

In addition to sponsoring a study by conducting Empathy Interviews (click here if you’re interested in getting paid for an hour webcam interview on how COIVD-19 is impacting you), we are also starting a private Facebook group for those who are interested in: Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation. 

Why?

1. Because we need a judgment-free zone to express how we’re feeling, and what we need.

2. Because everything new in the market in mass began with understanding emotional needs. 

3. Because when we come together and co-create for greater good, we all win. 

4. Because the time is now for companies to listen carefully to what people need and create. 

In this group, we will have a larger conversation led by me to understand your biggest frustrations, worries, fears, shifts in behaviors.  We want to understand the biggest problems to solve - right now – in light of our environment.

This is an exclusive group – people who are committed to creating possibility from need.

Before you click to join , let me tell you more about how this group will be managed and who we want in the group.  The objective is to create a sense of freedom so that members can fully express.

This is how we do “focus groups” – in person or virtual - that are Made With Empathy:

1. We “listen” to each other’s vulnerability, not to solve it, but to experience it.

2. We ask questions to understand, not to teach or educate.

3. We collaborate by acknowledging what others are saying. 

4. We express frustrations (not complaints) with statements that begin with “I wish for” or “I wish that…"

5. We build on what people say with sentences that begin with “Yes and…"

6. We observe what is needed with curiosity and move to thinking about “What if…"

7. We believe that most people are doing the best they can and are on their own journey, even if it looks different than our own.

8. We stay out of judgment and step back into curiosity.

If this is of interest to you, your voice needs to be heard, and trust me, companies are listening.  They have no choice but to listen. 

After 15 + years of conducting this kind of research for large companies, I am ready to facilitate a broader connection between companies who are hungry to know how to shift in this crisis, and a large community of consumers who need new things.

So that we can rise up out of the virus ashes together, in community, into a world that makes more sense.  And selfishly, I want to stay sane… and this is my way of keeping my sanity. 

I Have Enough Toilet Paper but I Forgot to Breathe

It’s 3.14.20 and all spring break travel plans are successfully cancelled.

Ok, then breathe, I tell myself. 

Then the fear voice inside my head speaks again: “yes I have everything - tp, water, sick meds, fresh and frozen veggies, fresh and frozen meat. Fresh and frozen fruit. Lots of shelf stable snacks and let’s see what else do I need. Sick meds, essential oils.

Oh shit I accidentally ordered paper towels, not tp.  Back to square one ....”

The “other” voice: “Breathe again, April - this nesting thing you’re doing is going a little overboard. It’s seriously worse than the last week before you gave birth. Can you calm down?” Fear voice back at me: “But what if it’s not overboard, what if I haven’t done enough to prepare?”

This is the voice of the world - my Facebook feed, news feed, neighbors, friends, everyone I talk to.

But I hear it again – “Breathe again. It’s going to be ok.”

“Yeah keep telling yourself that” fear speaks again.  "You know it’s a national emergency right and Italians are having to open their windows to sing and connect with each other. We don’t do that here!!!!" 

“What are you going to do?” it speaks. “Stuck in the house with your high energy child, trying to work, while simultaneously attending to her needs, and keep everything afloat. Finances, bills, work, how is it all going to work. How???” Its voice growing louder.

“Breathe.  Stay present.”

 Ok – I can see now that 2 big breaths is better than one.

 Then a sudden thought, one that moves me out of fear and into curiosity?  

What is it like to be working on the front lines? To be a doctor or nurse or someone in the healthcare system who is actually making decisions and trying to help others while the rest of us are trying to make sure we can go to the bathroom in the cleanest manner for the next 7 years.  

Another thought - what is it like to be my clients working for large companies whose stock is going down daily and perhaps unclear of what will happen next? 

 What is it like to be an athlete, performer, event coordinator, participant who have paid large sums of money to attend an event, child who was attending the Houston stock show to show an animal, actor performing for months for a Broadway show - now cancelled. 

I want to know. I shift my thinking to move out of my fear and learn, begin understanding what it’s like for everyone else out there.  

 I want to understand it from the space of creation, not from the slant of despair I often feel after watching the news.  This is the space where I thrive.  

Because I know that I can move out of my own fear by understanding another’s reality.  Empathetic listening creates relativity, which simultaneously allows me to feel my own humanity at a deeper level and could shift me from fear.

That typically works for me but will it work here? Maybe? 

 I don’t know the answer or how this should work but I do know this. I know what happens when we are willing to let go of fear at the same time we grasp onto curiosity – new possibilities happen. 

I will do something to move me from fear to curiosity.  I want to have a real conversation with those affected or infected (even if it’s only with fear or a low supply of toilet paper). I only want to hear stories that will impact others.

I will sponsor my own research study and pay incentives for 1-hour “empathy interviews.”  My goal for the research is to understand the specific impact of social distancing to everyday families, including the closures of restaurants, events, etc. etc. 

• I’m calling it Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation.

• If you’re interested in participating in a 1-hour webcam interview with me about your experience, please click here.

• I am also opening a private Facebook page for those who are interested in: Combatting COIVD-19 via Empathy Co-Creation.

Why? Because…

1. I believe that when we can see outside of ourselves:

   1. Fear disappears

   2. Curiosity leads to creativity

   3. It could help create an idea in someone else’s mind who can actually do something to help

   4. That idea could lead to a creative way to change the world

2. I believe when we hear each other’s stories, we can connect again, even if it’s virtual.

3. I believe we create new possibilities using our creative minds rather than our fear based minds.

4. I believe amongst the many tragedies this virus has caused - one of the greatest is the level of separation we now need to have, and I will be a catalyst for deeper connections

5. I believe when we can find new ways to connect, we can regain hope and faith in the human spirit

6. I believe our soul’s awakening is just around the corner of a big fat virus.  

I believe when we do this, we will stop hoarding toilet paper, and start sharing it, little by little, tissue by tissue, to those who need it most (and if we don’t, I might be one of those needing it!).

See my recent update here - How to stay sane by shifting to curiosity.

Of Grace, Grit, Gratitude and the Gift of Giving

As the holiday whirlwind ensues, I find myself contemplating all that 2019 has brought, and taught me. I am coming off of a year I never thought I would have.  

I never envisioned this last year’s events, and trust me, I’ve done a lot of visioning in the past. Now, I look back and reflect. They say your greatest pain can become your greatest gift. So, maybe that reoccurring thought has led me to the place where I am now. A place of questioning -

What is the gift:

1. What did I learn that I want to hold onto next year?

2. What am I going to let go of that no longer serves me?

Here’s my biggest takeaway: “Most everyone’s doing the best they can, including me.”  That one learning alone is a gift. A gift of acceptance.  

Acceptance opens my eyes to new choices, new possibilities, new ways of thinking, of being.

1. Acceptance Gives me Grace. - grace for myself and for those who have caused me pain. I have learned this year a prayer that has kept me sane (some days). It somehow softens me. In Hawaii, they call it the Ho'oponopono Prayer. I call it the prayer of acceptance because it is one tool I have used to help me install grace into the software of my brain.

2. Acceptance Gives me Grit. - to get back up, again. and again, and again….and again. To move forward. As Angela Duckworth puts it in GRIT - “….grit grows as we figure out our life philosophy, learn to dust ourselves off after rejection and disappointment.” Yes, I can see that acceptance makes way to resolve (“grit”) for what is important to me - growing stronger than anything else.

3. Acceptance Gives me Gratitude. I have become painfully aware of my power to choose. The most powerful choice, I have decided, is whether to choose suffering or choose gratitude. I’ve been amazed at how often God has shown up in the deepest, darkest places to shed a bit of light. Whether it’s small miracles that are more than a coincidence, an unexpected kind gesture or just eye-opening awe, I have found God in a magical way this year, and the more I am grateful, the more of God I see.

4. Acceptance fuels my Passion to Give. - through the lens of a full cup, my heart has become open to seeing the greater pain outside of me. By getting through to the other side of what seemed like an impossible hill to climb - gaining stability through a divorce, removing chaos, buying and moving to a new home, untangling all of my affairs, including my business, and most importantly, finding creative ways to carry my daughter through it where I can still see her smile, snuggle and connect, I see there is a gift to give.

So, that is the question “what gift can I give?” in this new learning of “most everyone is just doing the best they can?”  

 My gift is greater empathy - I now have a deep compassion for other single moms who are less fortunate than me.  I now know how difficult it is to go through a divorce - even if it is not what you wanted or planned for.  It is systemically difficult for women to find hope - to stand on their own feet on the other side of divorce.  Culturally, legally, religiously, we have systems that are built on families staying together.  

 I want to be a part of giving hope for those who find themselves in crisis, that they too can get to the other side and stabilize.  I want to help women who need it to rise up with their children on the other side of a broken marriage - to give them hope and a newfound love - love of self.

So, as divine power would have it, we are hosting our first-ever give back gathering - it will be held on December 19, 2019 from 2:30-5:30 at Her HQ (a new event space for women) in Bishop Arts District in Dallas.

We are partnering with Interfaith Housing Coalition whose mission is to empower families in crisis to break the cycle of poverty.  We will be assembling self-care gifts for 50 moms at the gathering.  It will be a gathering of elves to promote hope and “self-care”- because moms who take care of themselves can take better care of others.  Interfaith will take the gifts and deliver them to these moms on or before December 25th!

We have been so blessed with generous donations and sponsors -Jergens, Chili’s, Ban, John Frieda, Curél, Bioré, 2nd Kind, Fieldwork, and Fears Nachawati Law Firm.  

We still have a few remaining items on our wish list if you would like to donate, the link to Amazon Wish List is here.